‘It’s a question of what the relationship can bear.’ (Alison Bailie)
You may have heard the old adage, the received wisdom that says, ‘Don’t try to run before you can walk.’ It normally refers to avoiding taking on complex tasks until we have mastered simpler ones. Yet the same principle can apply in relationships too. We can think of an Action Learning set as a dynamically-complex web of human relationships, where an optimal balance of support and challenge is needed to enable a presenter to achieve their goal.
Too much challenge, too early, and we can cause fracture and hurt. It takes time, patience and commitment to build understanding and trust. I like Stephen Covey’s insight that, ‘Trust grows when we take a risk and find ourselves supported.’ It’s an invitation to humility, vulnerability and courage. It sometimes calls for us to take the first step, to offer our own humanity with all our insecurities and frailties first, as a gift we hope the other parties will hold tenderly.
It’s an invitation, too, for the set to respond with love. John, in the Bible, comments that, ‘Love takes away fear’. To love in the context of work isn’t something soft and sentimental as some cynics would have us believe. It’s an attitude and stance that reveals itself in tangible action. Reg Revans, founder of Action Learning, said, ‘Swap your difficulties, not your cleverness.’ A hidden subtext could read, ‘Respond to my fragility with love, and I will trust you.’
In this vein, psychologist John Bowlby emphasised the early need for and value of establishing a ‘secure base’: that is, key relationship(s) where a person feels loved and psychologically safe, and from which they can feel confident to explore in a spirit of curiosity, daring and freedom. It provides an existential foundation on which to build, and enables a presenter to invite and welcome stretching challenge without feeling defensive, threatened or bruised.
How do you demonstrate love in an Action Learning set? What does it look like in practice?
Nick Wright is a Director at Action Learning Associates…
